Worried about my mum

PrettyEd · 11-09-2009 22:20

She has been a smoker since the age of thirty I don't know if this is why she is sick or not but she smokes like a freight train,, she is now 63.
She lays in bed most all the time now and coughs almost too what I would refer to as violent, she claims it is her sinuses and allergies but I am not so sure. She claims that her doctor takes x-rays of her lungs twice a year and that they are fine,fine as can be but I feel doubtful about that.
If she were younger even as young as 50 I would push her into cutting back on her smoking but she is not, she is 63.
When someone is that far a long in life, should unhealthy habits be ignored when someone is older anyway? If someone is in retirement age should it just be overlooked? I never really worried about her coughing and smoking until recently. She use to keep her house spotless and while it is still nowhere near filthy I find whenever I visit her that I have to dust and do extra cleaning now.
She does work and she does go to her job but she calls in sick more frequently, Idk what to do concerning it and appreciate advice or at the very least moral support.
Thanks,
AnnaEd

Dima · 11-09-2009 22:24

DO NOT IGNORE THIS!!! Ask her to stop, beg her if you have to. My grandmother died of cancer after smoking for many many years.. it was a horrid thing to watch. I was in her hospital room when she died.. it still scars me.

PrettyEd · 11-09-2009 22:38

Dima wrote:
DO NOT IGNORE THIS!!! Ask her to stop, beg her if you have to. My grandmother died of cancer after smoking for many many years.. it was a horrid thing to watch. I was in her hospital room when she died.. it still scars me.

I have, I have asked her over the years and she says no that she is not going to stop. She swears that this is her allergies and sinuses.

PrettyEd · 11-09-2009 22:39

So I guess this is a matter of do I believe her or don't I believe her.

Oogie · 11-09-2009 22:43

my grandad was one of the "lucky smokers" who died of something else (but no one deserves his death)
but what you're describing is slightly worrying
I know this is difficult, but sit down with her and explain that you're worried, she'll probably get upset, and you might feel guilty but hopefully then she'll understand. remember be calm, it'll help.
good luck

PrettyEd · 11-09-2009 22:51

oogie wrote:
my grandad was one of the "lucky smokers" who died of something else (but no one deserves his death)
but what you're describing is slightly worrying
I know this is difficult, but sit down with her and explain that you're worried, she'll probably get upset, and you might feel guilty but hopefully then she'll understand. remember be calm, it'll help.
good luck

I have I have talked and talked and I feel a little bit of something that bothers me..resent yes resent. That I worry and worry about her and she acts like everything is fine and that it's as dismissible as allergies/sinuses I mean REALLY! I worry and tear up and pray(yes believe it or not I do) thats all I can do, It really is tough to sit back and watch someone you love deteriorate, It's really bothersome I find myself already preparing mentally and emotionally for her death. Even though I have seen no medical document to prove my fears.

Oogie · 11-09-2009 22:59

AnnaEd wrote:
oogie wrote:
my grandad was one of the "lucky smokers" who died of something else (but no one deserves his death)
but what you're describing is slightly worrying
I know this is difficult, but sit down with her and explain that you're worried, she'll probably get upset, and you might feel guilty but hopefully then she'll understand. remember be calm, it'll help.
good luck
I have I have talked and talked and I feel a little bit of something that bothers me..resent yes resent. That I worry and worry about her and she acts like everything is fine and that it's as dismissible as allergies/sinuses I mean REALLY! I worry and tear up and pray(yes believe it or not I do) thats all I can do, It really is tough to sit back and watch someone you love deteriorate, It's really bothersome I find myself already preparing mentally and emotionally for her death. Even though I have seen no medical document to prove my fears.

then show her this (your comment above)
she doesn't want to face facts. look I actually know what this is like, for a different subject, if you want to know you are welcome to PM me about because I don't want to talk about it on a forum.

facing reality is something that becomes harder for us as we get more scared

Meepit · 11-09-2009 22:59

Since you have asked her to stop and she refuses, there really isn't anything more you can do except enjoy what time you do have with her and though you want to worry you should because that will stop you from enjoying what you have left.

You may want more time with her but she dosn't want to live with those cancer sticks she has made a personal choice. Don't waste precious time arguing it with her.

I've been in your shoes and I wish I had spent more time enjoying my grandmother then I had worrying and fighting with her about her choice.

Please don't waste your valuable time on things that will not change but rather on things that you will treasure

Dima · 11-09-2009 23:56

meepit wrote:
Since you have asked her to stop and she refuses, there really isn't anything more you can do except enjoy what time you do have with her and though you want to worry you should because that will stop you from enjoying what you have left.

You may want more time with her but she dosn't want to live with those cancer sticks she has made a personal choice. Don't waste precious time arguing it with her.

I've been in your shoes and I wish I had spent more time enjoying my grandmother then I had worrying and fighting with her about her choice.

Please don't waste your valuable time on things that will not change but rather on things that you will treasure

Good advice. VERY good advice.

Debs2008 · 11-10-2009 00:26

There is no way in HELL that her lungs are healthy. 33 years of smoking?? I'd say they were in terrible shape, there is no getting around this, unless she has defied science and somehow cigarettes havent affected her lungs :s

The thing is like you keep saying...she is 63. She is an adult and will not be used to being told what to do...even if in her heart she knows its for the best. Sit her down and rather than telling her to stop because of what it's doing to her, try telling her what it's doing to YOU. She knows what it is doing to her I expect but if she knows just how much it's tearing you up this will be the thing that makes her change.

Expired · 11-10-2009 13:41

My grandfather started smoking when he was fourteen. When he was somewhere in his late seventies and his health started to deteriorate very quickly my grandmother and mother hid all his cigarettes. He couldn't drive to the shop anymore so he was forced to stop right then and there. Even at his age it still made a difference. He suddenly had colour in his skin and he didn't cough his lungs out (it genuinely sounded like that) every hour. I do believe that he lived a bit longer than he would have if he was smoking. Get your mum to stop smoking, the death of a smoker is not an easy thing to watch.

Gemma_Leigh · 11-10-2009 13:52

I'm sorry that your mother is sick but unfortunately if somebody doesn't want to stop they won't stop. They'll just carry on doing it behind your back and when you find out you'llbe hurt about it.

You can probably speak to her doctor about your concerns. Maybe hearing it from a professional would open her eyes but you can never be sure.

My mum is 39 and she has rotted most of her gums through smoking. She is beautiful but her mouth is now horrible and black but she still son't stop.

Meepit · 11-10-2009 14:50

I hope you decide what the best action is and the one you can live with. I do hope the rest of the time you do have will be enjoyable not only by you but by your mom to.

She enjoys smoking, so sounds like it anyway. She's addicted to it so if she decided to quite (though it sounds like she won't) she'll need help her. Right now her body needs it be to happy and comfortable take those away from her and she`ll be in pain again not just physical but emotional aswell.

I know you don`t want her to smoke, but she wants to.

I know you don`t think she healthy because of the smoking but she thinks she is

I know you are upset by her choice but she is happy with her choice.

I know you are thinking about her but also think about her in her shoes too. their are to sides to every thing sometimes more.

Meepit · 11-10-2009 14:56

I`m not saying this because I promote smoking, far from it.

I find smoking vile. I hate walking out a set of doors like a shopping mall and being bombarded with second hand smoke because the smokers are rude and to lazy to leave the area and give those who don`t smoke clean air.

what I`m saying is `please` treasure what you have; not what you think you want.

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#1 11-09-2009 22:20

Worried about my mum

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#3 11-09-2009 22:38

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Dima wrote:

#4 11-09-2009 22:39

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#6 11-09-2009 22:51

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#7 11-09-2009 22:59

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AnnaEd wrote:

oogie wrote:

#8 11-09-2009 22:59

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#9 11-09-2009 23:56

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meepit wrote:

#10 11-10-2009 00:26

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